God Bless Bartolo Colon, Patron Saint of Deceptively Athletic Fat Dudes
Bartolo Colon is an anomaly. Officially listed at 5’11” and 285 lbs, the 42-year-old pitcher is not the picture of lean athletic grace. He is the round mound of dumbfound, a marvel of longevity anchoring the Mets rotation. Colon is proof that accuracy is more important than velocity. His fastball probably wouldn’t get pulled over on the interstate, but it’s always in its lane.
But the buzz surrounding the rotund righty yesterday had nothing to do with his ability to throw a ball. Okay, that’s not really true. It had nothing to do with his pitching. The Marlins’ Justin Bour had dribbled a soft grounder down the first base line and Colon chugged over to field it. With his momentum carrying him away from the throwing lane, and with Bour blocking it anyway, Colon improvised in most entertaining fashion.
Rather than plant and fire, the meaty Met lobbed the ball behind his back, thus beating the runner and setting mouths agape. Stuff like this just makes me smile, particularly when Bartolo Colon’s at the center of it. Whether it’s his portly stature or the fact that he doesn’t seem to take himself too seriously, I find this cat to be incredibly entertaining. You just keep being you, Bart, and I’ll keep enjoying it.
And for those of you saying there’s no way a dude who looks like that can be or athletic, or who are judging said athleticism in terms of 40 yard dash times or vertical leaps, I kindly ask that you stow it. While you might not see Colon following Jake Arrieta’s workout regimen, I’d like to see you do this: