You know…the hot stove just isn’t hot. It’s not even lukewarm at this point. Doug Fister going from Boston to Texas is hardly awe-inspiring news and frankly I am tired of talking about the posting of Shohei Ohtani and potential trades involving Giancarlo Stanton, both of which seem to be bottlenecking the market for player movement. So I am going to have some fun.
What if George Costanza was the assistant GM to Jed Hoyer? How would that affect the Cubs and what would they look like today? Think of the hot takes:
- We might see Costanza hitting batting practice home runs with Kris Bryant and Anthony Rizzo. After all, the ability to hit home runs is simply physics. It’s all a matter of calculating the velocity (v) in relation to trajectory (t) in which gravity (g) remains a constant. Come to think of it, that theory may have been applied across all of baseball in 2017.
- The offseason WTTW fundraiser might have featured Costanza engineering a pledge drive with Kyle Schwarber, after Costanza spends the afternoon helping the slugger with his swing, of course.
- George Mitterwald or Paul Popovich Day. Heck, why not Pete LaCock day, too? Special days help engage the fans and shouldn’t be scheduled for the star quality players only.
- Convincing Joe Maddon that the players might be more comfortable if they could play in 100% cotton uniforms.
- Modified desks for all executive employees for nap times. Perhaps the Cubs’ new clubhouse would feature nap pods for the players so they can nap during the home half of the inning while waiting to bat.
- Secretly engage the Chicago White Sox in meetings in an attempt to defect across town in order to become Director of Scouting.
- Convert all Cubs stadium concessions to chicken-based products, including chicken dogs, chicken twists (instead of pretzels), and alcoholic chicken instead of beer.
- The Cubs new mascot, Body Suit Man, who “streaks” across the field in between innings.
- Fitted ballcap day for every single fan in attendance.
- Personally calling all ticketholders when games will be postponed due to rain.
- Leaving his car permanently parked outside the Cubs office to imply he is working longer hours than anybody.
- In attempt to get fired, Costanza is caught driving around Wrigleyville with the 2016 World Series trophy attached to the back of his car.
Cubs News & Notes
Jesse Rogers opines that the Cubs should resist trading any of their major league position player assets for starting pitching. It’s been said on many occasions, including here at Cubs Insider: With this being a relatively thin free agent class, the Cubs may not have many other options other than to re-sign Jake Arrieta, especially if the market for his services isn’t as robust as the former Cy Young award winner would like.
Once again, the Cubs are MLB’s most generous team when it comes to awarding full playoff shares. That type of generosity by the Cubs players undoubtedly helps when recruiting players, coaches, and management personnel to come to Chicago.
If Joe Morgan had any idea steroids were wreaking havoc on the game at the turn of this century, he certainly didn’t show it. The Sporting News’s Ryan Fagan unearthed an old clip of Morgan discussing Chicago Cubs slugger Sammy Sosa’s breakout at the plate. Morgan didn’t seem to suspect steroids at the time.
Razzball takes a look at the Cubs’ 2018 farm system.
BP Wrigleyville takes a look at the Cubs during the 1880’s, the most successful decade in the team’s storied history.
Joel Reuter looks at the best sales pitch of each team to use in recruiting Shoei Ohtani.
The Nationals may be interested in trading for SP Jordan Zimmermann.
Nationals super prospect OF Victor Robles looks to be ticketed for AAA ball to start the 2018 season.
Signing 1B Adam Lind would be a sure sign that the Mets executives have lost their minds. Interesting note: Aaron Judge was selected 21 picks after Dominic Smith, the player whose job Lind would presumably take, in the 2013 draft.
Could the Yankees land Baltimore Orioles’ 3B Manny Machado for Gleyber Torres?
According to the St. Louis Post-Dispatch, the Dodgers have the inside track to acquire Stanton.
No Tuesday walk-up song. The computer I am working from filters out YouTube. Hum something to yourself. Perhaps ‘Downtown’ by Petula Clark.